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Before we had Mia, we got the never ending question of, “Are you guys going to have kids? And when?”. Once I finally became pregnant, I thought, “Great, now those annoying questions can stop!”. Well, I was wrong. Now we are faced with a new annoying question, “Are you guys going to have MORE kids?”
Why is it that once a woman becomes a certain age or becomes married, we feel the need to immediately ask if she’s going to have kids?? Not only is it NONE of your business but it’s rude. I think a lot of times, people ask this as just a means to make conversation and they mean no harm by it, but you might not realize how many times that person has already been asked that same question and what internal pain it might be causing to hear it over and over. There are so many reasons why this question is not okay, but let me just go over why it wasn’t okay for me personally. Cijay and I tried for almost a year before we got pregnant, we had an early miscarriage along the way and that year was emotionally and physically exhausting. When people would constantly ask us if we were going to have kids, it was just a constant reminder that it wasn’t happening for us and it only brought more tears and pain. Please understand that having children does not always come as easy for some couples, whether it’s due to infertility, money, illness, etc. Or maybe children just don’t fit in to some peoples lifestyles and that’s okay too! If someone chooses to not have children at all, that should be perfectly acceptable and never questioned!
WE HAVE TO STOP PUTTING THIS PRESSURE ON WOMEN AND COUPLES TO HAVE CHILDREN OR HAVE MORE CHILDREN! (That deserved an all caps!)
Now let’s talk about the current question that has been bothering me…”Are you guys going to have more kids?”. When people ask me this question, I politely follow up with, “No, we are happy with just one.” And that is ALWAYS followed up with different responses like, “But, why??”, “But, you make such cute babies!”, or “You don’t want a companion for Mia?”. (Insert eye roll here). Let me just say first, if you do choose to ask a couple this question and their answer is “No”, then that is the end of the conversation, there should be no follow up, that is their decision and the rest is none of your business. I think the same things can apply to this question as they do with the question of , “Are you going to have kids?”. You have no idea if a couple has been struggling to conceive another child and that is something they definitely will not want brought up repeatedly or to even discuss, UNLESS they choose to talk with you about it on their own terms.
I guess I should touch base on why we are personally choosing to not have any more kids. Cijay and I have actually always said we wanted two children, even before we were married. It wasn’t until last year that we both decided together that we only wanted one child. For me personally, I don’t want to put my body through the pregnancy and labor again, I know to some that might sound selfish (and I’m only saying that because I have actually had someone tell me that I was selfish for thinking that), but again, IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It is my body and my choice. Cijay and I both can mentally only handle one child right now. I seriously applaud moms of multiple children because it is hard work, I literally think they are real life super heroes!! We also wouldn’t be able to financially support a second child. Honestly we are barely keeping us three afloat with our incomes, so it wouldn’t be fair to bring another child in to our lives if we couldn’t give them the best life that they would deserve. I was an only child and I had a great childhood and grew up just fine (I mean, sure, I’m a little crazy sometimes, but aren’t we all? lol). I have no concerns for the well being of Mia growing up as an only child. She has a lot of cousins right around the corner and plenty of friends and new friends that will soon join her life.
I nor any woman or man should feel bad or be made to question their decision on not having children/not having more children. I want to be able to enjoy my life with my family without being questioned all of the time why I’m not continuing to have more children. Maybe I’m being too sensitive to this subject and that’s fine, but it’s still how I feel and I hope in the future we can all learn to be more sensitive to others when in regards to this subject. Thank you for listening.